oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
