I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
