I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
