my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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