and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
