Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
