Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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