he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
