we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
