I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
