I think my fart just growled at me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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