So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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