Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
