I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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