Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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