I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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