Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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