Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize