Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
