The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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