Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize