Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
