I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
