Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
