She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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