my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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