first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize