A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize