I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
