I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
