Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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