oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Randomize
