i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
