This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize