mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
His nipple licking is glorious
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