All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You were trust falling into bushes
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
