You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The Olympian is in my bed
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
