did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
