remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Someone signed my nipple.
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