Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
