if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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