he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
