As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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