you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
