drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
