Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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