PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
