we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
