you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
