Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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