You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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