just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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