He asked me if I "almost moaned"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
