i jhust puked up my retainher.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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