what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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