Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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