ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
