my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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