6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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