I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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