At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
