That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
