after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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