She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
