I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
