Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
