Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
