Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
